26 nov 2010..

I am unwell.. have been coughing a lot since last 3 days.. looks like I got hit by the early cold wave a bit too early.. staying out and awake till late nights.. dancing loads and then sitting out in the cold in wet sweaty shirt is tailor made for me to catch a cold..

its been an incredibly long time since I wrote something. for one, I have been terribly caught up in a lot of things off late including neha's wedding.. almost all functions which were an awesome amount of fun.. meeting so many new people or should I say relatives.. making new relations.. for life.. its interesting to have now 1+2+1+1+1+1+1 more brothers added.. wow ! and of course 3 co-brothers including a very old school friend of mine from DAV :)

its been a roller coaster ride the last few months.. I have got some good news.. some bad news.. some shocking news.. every day is proving to be a good learning and adjustment experience.. ADJUSTMENT. EXPECTATION. COMMUNICATION. the three words which define a relationship's base and stability between any two individuals especially when the two come together to form a new bond :)

life's opening up new avenues and options which I didnt know ever existed.. am still a long long way ahead in learning what lies ahead and how will I manage it.

wow ! its been such a long time since i have written anything again. i guess its been a combination of hard work and hardly working !

last week I was in koh samui, thailand for 4 1/2 days and then in singapore for 2 1/2 days. I mean how much fun can a single bachelor have in an exotic remote island with 10 more couples and kids ??? actually lots.. you just have to have the right spirit :)

lots of things to write about the trip. things I chose to do, what I didnt and of course, fighting the fear of water !

day 01
a beautiful room, actually the most expensive room/villa in the most expensive resort in an exotic island.. sounds really interesting and exciting for couples and family alike.. and me alone in it ? naah ! how boring can that be ? actually very boring. so I left the private swimming pool to itself and decided to sleep for some time. ordered a giant club sandwich which was awesome. couldnt sleep much as I had hardly slept the previous week for work and champions league football

got a call for the spa package,, something i havent ever tried altho hv heard a lot about people going crazy about these things.. well, the experience was interesting.. its not every day u get steamed with a hot muslin bag with adrak, lemon grass and some other stuff, followed by a relaxing oil massage to take away all the tiredness. plus some warm tea to go with it

after it was done, i had to rush to the welcome dinner.. there was so much oil on me that i just have to hv a quick warm water bath, which the spa people dont recommend for it to have full effect.

the welcome dinner was intersting. met people with their wives n kids.. good to see people relaxed and calm holidaying together. i wont speculate on my chances with my family and kids now.. let time tell me how, where and when :) of course, the bigger question right now is WHO.. but more on that later

after the dinner i went to the chawneng beach,hwich happens to be the most happening place on the island. it was clearly off season and hardly a trickle of tourists there.. mostly deserted.. not too many people in any shops. the people were too bored, tired or just plain wondering what to do. after all its a small place and not too many avenues for jobs or work apart from the tourist season. I decided not have my daily haagen daas ice cream, trying to reduce a little actually. its a diffrent matter I compensated with having more ice cream in the next whole week.

day 02
good heavy breakfast on a balcony over looking the sea.
kayaking in the shallow waters with eric as his wife decided to stay on the beach under the umbrellas.
then followed by snorkeling. first i was the only one going for it. then amit and sidd and their wives decided to join in too.. then manish and his wife and then others too ! looked like i was too keen on doing everything no matter what.. and i kept it that way all thru hte trip.

managed to hurt myself all over, arms and legs.. cuts and bruises.. with the sea water rubbing salt in all the wounds. its been over 10 days and all the bruises are still there.. and worse. maybe i should hv seen a doc by now.

i hv been fearing water since long as I dont know how to swim but i managed to fight my fear in atleast venture in the shallow waters for almost 2 hrs. i tried to try my luck in the sea but then i just couldnt push myself to do it. really wished if i knew how to swim or hv someone who wouldnt let me go down in water..

i tried to sleep but couldnt.. so hit the gym and sweated out on the treadmill and cycle for 30 mins..

dinner was at happy elephants sea food restaurant. asked chris and his wife to join us at our table. eric and his wife. victoria and me. good thai food again.

then we all went to try the fish pedicure.. it started as a creepy feeling with fish nibbling at the feet but then was very ticklish for me all thru. I shooed away hte fish initially but then let them chew at me. one of the things which one should try and do. like that list of things to do before you say bye.

evening was again at chaweng as I explored the place a little more.. checked out the places to buy stuff which i didnt actually. wanted to wait till the last day

day 03
canopy adventure.. with everyone .. fantastic experience.. loved seeing the couples fight it out. the wives being helped by the husbands. the husbands being cheered by the wives. it was sure not easy for them to be at that height n slip down the ropes with the harness. 7-8 rounds from the hill we all had to hike .. it was awesome

followed by lunch at thai place. which was good actually. I am usually careful about the meals but this time I liked it and had all that they offered excpet the beef and the sea food. loads of watermelon !

called up nok.. walked up the hill in front of the hotel, took some awesome snaps of the sea. went to teh sunset point.. beautiful place.. wish to walk there again holding hands with some one special. ha ha .. yup, thats a romantic thot even I would like to do in reality


evening was yet again chaweng beach, this time with nigel, andy and wayne. all atleast 20 yrs elder to me ! some interesting experience

day 04
jet skiiing in the sea for 1 1/2 hrs against hte slot of 15-30 mins :)
sailing in a boat having no idea what to do and getting terribly sun burnt in the process. i was wearing a life jacket and was hoping to be back on land asap.
had an ice cream after that.

I didnt use the sun screen lotion or anything against the sun, so by now my arms and, legs, face and neck were burnt. SUN BURNT. even now its been troubling me. finally i got some cream to help me through this pain. actually, i wanted to get sub burnt and see how it feels. it was fine till the time it was just there. but the sea water and the clothes i was wearing caused severe skin aberration after that.

let the others go back to the hotel and i went to the shooting range to try my hand at some live real guns.. was so expensive so tried the .22 sniper rifle and hte 9mm automatic. phew ! what an exhilarating experience, hope to try that again some day. took some interesting snaps. I got to drive of course, to the shooting range and back to the hotel

came back to the room and tried to sleep for some time.. but couldnt.. so called up nok and went to see the Golden Buddha temple. its a 10m gold statue. very quiet and peaceful place. was surprised to see a lot of dogs all over the place. in fact, the entire island has loads of cats and dogs living in perfect harmony. maybe they didnt know in the rest of the world, this wasnt the case :P

headed straight for hte dinner place. nok met us midway and i went with her to the dinner on the beach. beautiful full moon night and we saw the moon come up all the way. again one of those romantic thots of being with some one on the beach on a full moon night. how sweet can that be ? actually very.. but i still have time to experience that. i was more into having the food and talking to every one.

we had a brief awards ceremony.. really felt great in getting it :) nok took a long time to click my snap. actually a very long time. hope to be at this elite club again. this yr is going to be very tough for all of us and we need to fight thru a lot of fire and blood to make it work.

there was talk of the famed full moon beach parties ever since we got there. and this was the full moon night we had been talking abt. wayne and victoria kept on telling me that i must go to attend them . and i had to catch an early morning flight at 7:40am. the time now was close to 10:00pm and i was already tired and exhausted from the day's activities and the heat and humidity..

shopping before and after the dinner.. bought tshirt which says " game over " ha ha .. every one had a good hearty laugh about it.

finally, i decided to go for it. I teamed up with the event management guys, we took the 12:30am ferry to the remote island of phangan. it was a 30 mins ride. I was wondering what if something does happen. out into the sea, in cold and dark waters away from anyone i knew. i was sure wearing a life jacket but in a crowded boat what chances could one have. but it was one of those things where you just had to take a plunge or leap of faith. the good things in life dont just come to you.. you need to be bold enough to take a risk and measure your chances.. more on that later..
but then I dont know when will I come to koh samui again. maybe never.. and get to attend such a party, every one was talking about but no one had actually experienced it. being the youngest and teh only bachelor around sure was the best incentive anyone could have to go ahead for attending the party, and so I did

I was having all sorts of thoughts about how would the place be. not drinking and being sober has got its advantages and disadvantages in a place like thailand. chosing to remain away from the sex brothels for reasons of personal discipline too comes in the same category. I dont know whats right and whats wrong but there are things I couldnt push myself into while being there, under no control of any kind without anyone seeing or keeping track of what i did, where was I , who i was with or for that matter anything at all when i was alone. dream situation as my friends put it !

i have been reading some of my prevous posts and I realise I have written them at times, when I have been

extremely tired and sleepy. but this time around, am very much awake.. altho I need to catch up on my sleep

:) I have spent the last 1 week staying awake for very interesting reasons..

got to go home for attending my school friends's weddings.. people I hv known since pre-nursery ( Kausthuv

) , class 1 ( nipun ) , Vijit and Vikrant ( +2 ) and Subhash ( 1 yr elder but has been there since class 1 )

I got to attend only 2 weddings.. well technically just 1. I was htere with Vikrant before his wedding.. it was

such a delight to meet him and his parents after such a long time. the 2 yrs in +2 we spent together in class,

outside class, tutions, us studying from his dad, me going there after school, having simple lunch and then

sleeping for those 15-20 mins. I cannot thank them enough for what they did for me and how they helped me

during those incredibly tough days.. of course, me and vikrant were together in school most of the time, with

his crush and mine too :) and his break and well, still my crush which remains a school boy crush !

I left just before his baraat started but it was so great to be there. I went to milan palace, which is a small

hall close to where I used to pass thru every day during my schooling days.. I was remembering the times

and how things have changed. but I cannot truly forget where I have come from or what all have been thru

to hte build up of the IIT JEE exams and the like.

This was to attend nipun's wedding. I just missed out on meeting my old school teachers who taught me from

class 1-6. I met my class friends with whom I have remained in touch over the years.. as we 4 have all

moved into different streams, engineering, medicine, CA and law. Me and Abhinav chit chatted throughout

the night about lots and lots of things, arranged marriages, the work and out side work schedule. I kept on

telling him about each and every custom about the wedding and what would happen next. he was quite

amazed about my knowledge of most of the customs. so we were there right thru the night till the time we

brought the bride home. Abhinav and me then drove back home.. he dropped me right inn front of the house,

it was 6:15am !

the sun was about to rise and i hadnt seen the sun rise in BIT in over 8 yrs.. and I didnt know when was I going to see it again . So I decided to take a long walk towards H9 and behind it. I had never ever been to that area and was really curious wht was it like.. I had a long walk early morning wearing a suit and I was feeling a bit cold too.

Then decided to take some snaps of the flowers in our garden.. lovely flowers and the snaps have come out equally well.

and thats where this sleepless week started, its been exactly a week and I havent slept much. so just as I wrote in hte beginning.. the same story of me being sleep deprived comes back as the main point..

hmmmmmmm.......

january has been a very tough and testing month. the year has been an absolute roller coaster so far. things not going so good at the moment, hope february would be better..

1. MDI course is thru.. the exams went fine. could have done better.. the dissertation was hurried.. altho i spent days in the library.. could have been better.. the preesntation was good.. could have been better..

2. things not so good at ludh.. thats life. life and death are part of life.

3. work getting hectic and people's expectations are rising. more and more impatience, personal conflicts coming up, flare ups are becoming common in smallest of the issues.

4. having real problems with friends or people who I think i can call friends. Its really sad that people who i consider to be like brothers tell me not to talk or meet, or tell me to leave the house when I go to their home. hope some sense will prevail and things will sort out sooner or later

and so it begins.. the search for new things, courses and avenues.

I have taken all the old things apart and thrown or given away all the remnants or things which I had kept for a long time..

05 nov, 11:55 pm

I am writing after a long time. its been a combination of tiredness and laziness that I havent written anything.

A few interesting things have happened which come to my mind which I should put down, not necessarily in the order of importance.

my trip to pune
I had gone for a meeting to mumbai when I got a call from my teammate that I should call up a client in pune. I immediately wanted to go there. and so was the case that I got a chance to go the next day. flight from mumbai to pune. I slept like a log on the flight, had no idea when we took off and when we landed. it was such an amazing feeling to land in pune after so long. its been exactly 3 yrs since I had landed here , oct 06. a lot of things that happened then , are or have happened now as well. its almost like a complete circle which I have gone through. Considering how things turned out in oct-nov-dec 06 and after that, this looks to be an interesting prospect !

I went back to the site where I was in 2006, IBridge Solutions. I took as many snaps as I had in the 4-5 mins I was there. and I finally got to take a snap in front of the pool there. its taken a long time for to realise that wish. the company itself has closed down so I coudlnt go inside and see the office and the glass bowl server room but went to the cafeteria on the roof, ran up the stairs. I know I have put on some weight since then, more so in the last 20 days but I was able to go up hte stairs like I used to. If I could turn back time, I could see myself there on the stairs, alone and then not alone , being naughty and daring. the roof was the same as earlier, the chairs had been pushed aside, the serving tables or set up had been dismantled. If I could turn back time there, I could see myself having breakfast, snacks, stealing glances, having dinner with the IBS guys. it was a great experience which I had there.

Nidhi;s , the place where I had laods of marathi thalis was still there. I remembered the paan there and almost started singing " khaike paan banaras wala"

the place which I remembered the most was SHREE KRISHNA. I told my team mate about it and I made sure that we had lunch there. what I wanted to have was pao bhaaji and orange juice with no sugar. Pao bhaaji wasnt available so I settled for a dosa, my fifth dosa in lunch in 5 days ! and I had the orange juice without sugar. just gulped it down like old times.

I surely remembered a lot of things from the place, and saw how much the place was the same and how things around had changed. the giga space complex had changed and developed a lot. it was in early stages of development when i was there in 2006.

I tried then and am trying now to feel senti about my time in pune in 2006 , but emotions fail me. maybe it was all that i wanted to finish " the unfinished task " and get over everything. like I wrote earlier, life has come up a full circle and I have to what lies ahead.

Things are moving in a lot of directions. Whether its for the good or for the bad, i do not know but I am being pulled in multiple directions and I need some help and advice on what to do and how to manage things. Work has become hectic and at times I am really tired and exhausted. Studies are demanding and its just a matter of time before the course gets over. I feel so bad that coz of work and time pressure, i am not able to prepare for class and give my 100% to the course. After all I have worked for it and paid the fees just as I wanted.

my flat and room mate experience is turning out to be a great learning in the short and long run. how to manage some one staying with you, how to manage myself and the house, the maid, the garbage guy, the dhobi, rations, land lord and other things.. its really interesting and funny at times.

what has to be done to complete the house is a different story !

12:12 am

am still up and working. I have been like this for the last so many months now. till when and how much more I dont know. my eyes seem to ache all the time. I spend so much time on the laptop that i dont know if there's a window to life outside it. I really really want to reduce the time being spent on this and read more books, do more outdoor activities and spend more time with friends and family.

am watching " Love Aaj Kal " again side by side. very interesting movie, and the problem I have been relating just about everything to this movie. after all its all fiction, nothing is meant to be true or related to teh real life situation yet thats what I am doing.

may be I need to sleep. I definitely need to sleep. I dont know when was the last time i slept soundly and woke up fresh. so fresh that it was a new start and not a carry over from the last day. I have been working, running after things, studies and something ehre and there.

Last week was eventful as kittu uncle wasnt well and was in the ICU when aunty called me. Since betu bro is on ship I was there to help out aunty and make sure things were fine. I had donated blood that very morning and wanted to slow down and relax for a few days but the exact opposite has happened till date. I have been just getting stretched and stretched and pushed to limits.

After we brought uncle back home, I took out time to meet the princess and spend some time with her. I sure had a great time with her. First time I bought plants with some one ! almost got into a fight with her party hosts as they became strangely nasty to me. maybe it wasnt right to go and meet her at 1:15am ! the host and the 4 other ass holes cracked some joke i couldnt understand and then by the time the joke got over, i had worn my shoes to go out. I was outnumbered so maybe thats why didnt retaliate or go into a free for all punch fest but after months I felt the urge to really really hit someone. the last one being a certain surd who will one day bear my wrath but thats another story.

11:14 pm..

am so tired that its a tough task for me to sit up ad type. I am really really sleepy yet I need to finish some work I told a client I would complete and write back to him.

today squeaky and me officially complete a month togehther in the new home. I have started driving extremely rashly.. extreme is the word for the way I move on the high way.. I dont know what am i chasing and i dont know why am i in a hurry.. but I am.

time for me to catch some sleep. my mind is getting worn down with some things which are not happening in my life and have no effect on me but I realise how important they can be. so am trying to learn from these tricky situations others are facing.